Family, Motherhood, My Kids

good news and bad news

Danae has had fever since Sunday last week. Thinking it was just a common virus, we treated the fever and we were somewhat confident it would be gone by the 3rd day. To make the long story short, she was diagnosed by a pediatrician with acute bronchitis on the 4th day. But because she had fever again this morning, the 8th day, we decided to go to her ever reliable pulmonary pediatrician. After listening to her breathing, an x-ray was ordered. I knew it was going to be BAD NEWS…..DANAE HAS PNEUMONIA, for the 3rd time (but microplasmic this time) in her entire life of 5 years and 11 months. And incidentally, her bouts with pneumonia have always been right before her birthday.

You have no idea (well maybe most moms do) what a roller coaster ride of emotions I’ve been through. I hate that my Danae gets this sick. I’ve already written a blog related to this. I hate that it’s the same disease, sickness, whatever you call it. And if you remember, we spent ten days in the hospital because of King’s slipped disc, beginning August 15. Two days before leaving the hospital, Danae got sick. When she got well, Noelle got sick. When Noelle got well, I got sick. Then Noelle got sick with me. When we both got well, Danae got sick. Then King got sick. His fever lasted only a day, but he still has cough and colds now. 6 days after the onset of Danae’s fever, Noelle got fever too. Now, she also has to nebulize to treat her wheezing. So both kids are sick. It’s already October 3. When will it ever end?!

The GOOD NEWS is there is NO NEED FOR HOSPITALIZATION. With Danae’s other bouts with Pneumonia (click here for full story), it was so bad that we insisted that she be admitted in the hospital. With this one, her appetite decreased but it did not disappear. She’s not like her hyper active self, but she’s mobile, not sluggish. Despite the severity of her case, wherein both lungs are affected, not just one, I guess her body is strong enough to handle it.  Her fever doesn’t go as high as 39 anymore, and there are hours in the day that she is fever-free.

I am still on that roller coaster ride, but I know Danae and Noelle will get well soon. As a mother, I am a natural WORRIER. I wish it were as easy as changing two letters to make me into a WARRIOR. Since it’s not, I must get off this ride and get on another so I can continually flow with the rhythm of God’s grace. Not resigning to the fact that this sickness will come upon Danae regularly, but trusting in God and absolutely fighting with prayer.

Just My Thoughts

Instead of critiquing me, why don’t you teach me?

My heart is just bursting right now. I have mixed feelings about a lot of things. It’s one thing to be the one receiving criticisms, judgments, doubts and the like, but it’s another thing when it’s directed at loved ones. It’s more hurtful and I feel quite helpless. But putting myself in my loved ones’ shoes, these are the questions that enter my mind. Is it human nature? Is it a disease or like a virus? Is it normal? Does every institution experience this? Must I accept it as it is? Where is the support? Where is your faith in my potential? What happened to taking risks, allowing mistakes? What happened to grace and humility? What happened to working as a team? What happened to valuing each team member? What happened to mentoring? What happened to being personal? When was the last time you asked me how I was? What happened to honesty & openness? What happened to unity & family? Why do I feel alone in this? Instead of showing me that you know better, why don’t you put yourself in my shoes first? Instead of just telling me what you see wrong, why don’t you help me? Instead of critiquing me, why don’t you teach me?

Then it dawned on me. I have asked these questions at one time or another as a wife and as a mom. Hahahaha. Sigh. I guess it does exist in every institution. But I do not accept it as it is and I do pray for change, for growth and progress. Thank God for His support, for His faith in me, for His mercy, for His grace, for His humility, for His love. Without Him, I wouldn’t be able to survive, much less thrive or succeed. I am somewhat sad, hurt and disappointed, but I am hopeful. “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.” Psalm 118:8