Just My Thoughts, My Kids, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, Parenting, THE BRAINY BUNCH

“I don’t know.”

There are many instances where my kids do things that make absolutely no sense to me — things like doing again the very thing that has gotten them hurt or in trouble, or getting upset that they’re being”blamed” for doing something they actually did, or filling their bags with all sorts of things they don’t need making it too heavy for them to lug around, or fighting about pillows when it’s time to sleep.

I often ask them why they do these things, which more often are not at all worth the trouble, because I want to try to understand where they’re coming from. I often hear “I don’t know” for an answer.

It annoys me greatly and I eventually got tired of it. I still hear their “I don’t know”s of course, but I have since reminded our girls that they should first ask themselves why, before they do something. If their answer is “I don’t know,” then they shouldn’t do it. They should stop.

At times they tell me they do something because so and so did it, and I have heard myself ask them the age-old question “If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you?” Haha. Not everything their friends say and do, they should imitate. If they know better, then they should go with what they know. If they don’t know better or at all, then they should pause and seek help from those who do know.

We want to teach our children to be aware of themselves, not to be calculating and stiff, but to be wise. Yes they will make mistakes, but I believe they will avoid many sticky situations if they learn to assess first before they dive into anything.

If they don’t know why they’re doing something, what’s the point of doing it? If they don’t train themselves, or if we don’t help train them, to think about their own motives regarding their decisions and actions, they may end up doing anything. They may end up being influenced quickly by others. They may end up having no conviction, no integrity, no backbone.

“I don’t know” to me, can mean three things — the first two are uncertainty and indifference. I don’t want our kids to be unsure about something they’re doing. I don’t just want them to be sure about something before they do it either, because being sure doesn’t necessarily mean being right. You can be sure yet be surely wrong. More so, I don’t want them to be indifferent, following others blindly or not following anyone at all, not caring enough about what they’re doing and caring less about why they’re doing it.

The third one is the one I want for me and my children. Obviously we don’t know everything and there will be many times that we will not know. It is always good to admit when this is true, because this kind of not knowing does not make us insecure or indifferent. It is the kind of not knowing that, though sometimes keeps us guessing, makes us get down on our knees, seek God, and trust in His plans. The kind of not knowing that makes us relinquish control and submit our lives under God’s authority. The kind of not knowing that makes us grow in our faith and have a more intimate relationship with God.

I am grateful for the privilege to train our children, and when the day comes that that kind of “I don’t know” comes out of my girls’ lips, I will all the more praise the Lord.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke. Proverbs 13:1



Questions and Motives

King bought himself the latest NBA game for xbox just recently. He was playing last night while I was on my iPad, and the girls were all over the place coloring, drawing, playing and checking out what we were doing. At one point, both girls came near me to see my game and then Noelle, my little 3-year old, suddenly blurted out a very interesting question.

“Why do those girls in yellow have to be sexy?”

She was pertaining to the cheerleaders in King’s game. We do not use the word SEXY because they don’t know and they’re not prepared to know what it REALLY means, but she has heard it said about her by other people. I told her that it was a very good question, and King and I both said we had no idea why. Danae, on the other hand, offered a smart answer.

“The owner wants them to dress that way.” (paraphrase)

To which I replied, “If they want you to wear that to be a cheerleader, would you?” Of course she said “No.” Although it did sound like she was already justifying their outfits haha. She wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up. Hopefully by then or way before that, she will have learned classy, tasteful and appropriate dressing.

Anyway, I believe it goes back to motive. I’m sure Danae is right, that the owners/bosses/whatever want their cheerleaders to dress a certain way to increase interest in their product. They’re advertising. Marketing. Selling. And in this world, sexy women are effective tools. But that’s just it. Women are being USED as WILLING tools. As means. As objects.

Are you being used as a tool too? Or are YOU using your own body as a tool to advertise, market, sell? What exactly are you advertising? As a Christian, WHO are you advertising? What kind of people do you want to attract? Who are the people you want to be interested in and buy your “product”?

It’s more than what you wear, what you say, how you act. It’s WHY. Why do you do it? Is it because you know who you are and what your purpose is? Are you trying to prove something, impress someone? Where does your security lie? Are your decisions dictated by your “boss/bosses”? Who IS your boss?

Why do those girls or any girls HAVE to be SEXy? To be sexually appealing? Exactly. Why do they? They DON’T. We don’t.

To honor God and my husband, I reserve my sexiness for my husband ALONE. 🙂

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2