Just My Thoughts, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, Parenting

#proudmorena

So I saw some posts on Facebook about this girl who disrespected celebrity mom Bianca Gonzales on social media, by insulting her baby. I didn’t get to read the comment, but the article said that her baby was called negra (dark-skinned) and ugly.

I cannot believe that someone, a woman at that, could say mean things about a baby…A BABY! And I cannot believe that a Filipina would insult another Filipina, A BABY Filipina(!), about her skin color.

Bianca responded graciously in my opinion, and I agree with her. Morena is beautiful! It’s 2016 and it’s high time we own and be proud of our natural Filipina skin tone. We should teach our kids to be comfortable in their own skin by loving them, accepting them, and verbally appreciating their beauty, no matter the color of their skin. I am annoyed by these commercials of whitening this, whitening that. Why do Filipinos want to be white anyway? Or why do beauty lines here in the Philippines keep promoting these products as if to say only being fair-skinned is beautiful?

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I grew up loving swimming and going to the beach. I never cared about getting dark because my cool parents never made it an issue. My mom always told me that caucasians love getting a tan — something I naturally had. When I got a bit older, I did care about how my tan looked. I didn’t like swimming in the pool because the chlorine made my skin look grayish, while the beach gave me a nice brown. I eventually learned to apply beer on my skin so that I would get that beautiful glowing tan afterwards. It stank, but the results were always awesome. I don’t do it anymore because I don’t want my kids to smell and taste the beer, plus I don’t really have time to sunbathe these days haha.

Being a proud morena myself, no way am I going to let my 2 morena daughters (out of 3) buy into the “lighter is more beautiful” nonsense. They tan pretty quickly the way I used to, even with sunblock, and we have never told them to stop swimming or to get out from under the sun because they were getting dark. To rest and not suffer from heat stroke, yes. But never because they were getting “too dark.” Before summer vacation officially started this year, Danae commented that she didn’t want to get dark, but was quick to take it back when I offered her the alternative, which was little or no swimming. Thankfully, she cares more about having fun with her friends than about what her skin looks like haha. About the same time, she told me that she knows somebody who would comment (though I’m sure not insultingly) about her deep tan. I told her to tell the person that she is making good use of the sun and is enjoying summer. She laughed and agreed.

I believe it starts in the home. Our daughters learn their identity from what we their parents teach them. We always remind them that God made them beautiful — all of His creations are beautiful. When they are focused on their looks, we remind them that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. We remind them that inner beauty is more important. We remind them that what God thinks is more important than what people think. We tell them that they are princesses, not because they have a tiara on their head or because they have riches or beauty, but, besides being daughters of their daddy King, they are daughters of the King of Kings. They are loved, valued, accepted, and blood-bought!

We pray that our children will not look to the world for their identity, but find it in Jesus Christ. That way, no matter which way the world swings, our kids will remain steadfast and secure, knowing who they are and knowing their God-given calling. No matter what the world thinks or says about them — negra, ugly, stupid, worthless, OR radiant, gorgeous, intelligent, admirable — they will be secure of and be humbled by God’s love for them and they will remain steadfast in their faith.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. Galatians 3:26-27

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God John 1:12 ESV

Just My Thoughts, My Kids, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, Parenting, THE BRAINY BUNCH

We Weren’t Invited!

Some time last year, we were looking at pictures of a party posted on Facebook.

Danae: Aww, how come we weren’t there?
Me: Oh because we weren’t invited, love.
Danae: Why?!
Me: It’s okay, babe. We don’t always have to be invited.
Danae: But why? Did they forget us?
Me: No. Of course they haven’t forgotten you, but remember, not everybody will be invited to everything.

Danae was a bit bummed, but she quickly let go of it. My theory is she didn’t see either me or King feel bad or offended by it — something that we have learned through the years.

It’s true that with parenting, more is caught than taught. Our children pick up so many things from us, both good and bad. Because we spend the most time with them, our influence is just massive. It’s up to us to be responsible and conscious of what we pass on to them. Will we let them get our fears and insecurities? Or will we teach them, encourage them to respond better by getting over our own fears and insecurities?

Will we reinforce their feelings of rejection by showing them our disappointment or self-pity? Or even through the occasional disappointment, which of course everybody feels sometimes, will we comfort them and teach them to battle rejection by showing them acceptance and understanding — that it’s okay to not be part of every party that each of our friends will have?

Will we teach them to feel entitled, that they or our family should always be invited? Or will we teach them to be grateful for the events that we are privileged to be part of?

Will we teach them to hold grudges or harbor ill feelings towards other people? Or will we help them understand that not being invited does not mean we are unloved, unwanted, unimportant, unappreciated or forgotten? That not being invited does not diminish their value?

Will we teach them to find security in the love and acceptance of other people? Or will we teach them to be secure in their identity in Christ?

What do we want to pass on to our children, and what would we want them to pass on to theirs? Let’s be aware. Let’s be responsible. Let’s be deliberate.

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9


Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6