The Honorable Woman

Since I wrote about the honorable man and the courageous man, I think it is only fair to write about the HONORABLE WOMAN. If I was bold enough to write about “a few good men” and my husband,  I will have to start off with a disclaimer for this one haha.

Disclaimer: I was not always the honorable woman and I do not claim to be everything that is written. I am still learning too. I cite some of my experiences, but I also share what I’ve learned from wise men and women. 🙂

With courtship defined, what does an honorable woman do before that? She prays as she waits. When I was a single woman, at age 24, it was a struggle. As a new Christian, I struggled with my IDENTITY. Having a relationship with a man and even the thought of marriage was what made me happy and whole. I didn’t realize that relationships was my god, until God opened my eyes and I realized that NO ONE CAN COMPLETE ME EXCEPT JESUS. Even though, like King, I liked someone else in the beginning, I prayed. I prayed for GOD’S WILL for my life. I did not want to get into any relationship anymore until it was the one that God planned for me. I decided to WAIT. That was my faith.

What if you already have a hint about someone who likes you? Honestly, with the first Christian guy I liked, I was kept guessing. I was getting mixed signals, but I was never sure if he was sending me signals at all because he never said a word. That was annoying and hard, but it made me pray more. It taught me to NEVER ASSUME.

With King, I already knew he was “crushing” on me because our friends teased us individually, apart. Thankfully there came a point where they decided to stop. (take a hint, friends: stop teasing!) We would go out in groups, but because I learned to WANT WHAT GOD WANTED and I really did not want to make a mistake, I kept my DISTANCE. I would assess myself if I liked him too, and there were times I did and there were times I didn’t. The respect was there, for sure. And in terms of character, I had no issues. But there were just times that I didn’t think it was going to work, IF EVER. I thank God King did not text or call me, or ask me to even eat with him alone, as he was also TESTING HIS EMOTIONS on his end. (take a hint, ladies and men: texting/chatting and spending time with each other can stir your emotions. Test them first and seek counsel before you men initiate or before you ladies respond.)

I never rode his car because I was afraid, not because I didn’t trust him, but because I did not want to PUT MYSELF IN A COMPROMISING POSITION. I chose to use my own car. I have learned, however, that if in situations that a man and a woman have to ride a car alone, the woman sits at the back. I have seen my husband do this when he has to do funeral services and bring a female worship leader or musician with him. (take a hint, ladies and men!)

What if he seems to be really into you, doing things for you that he normally doesn’t do for other girls? I didn’t experience this myself, but I learned that if you are uncomfortable with it, you can actually confront the man. You can QUESTION HIS MOTIVES. His answer or silence will reveal much about him and his intentions. The danger there is if he tells you he does like you. Then what? If he is a man with PURE AND PURPOSEFUL INTENTIONS, he will be honest and he will pursue you. If he is a man who is not, I believe the honorable thing to do is put the distance between the two of you until he figures it out for himself. You ought to pray about your end too, most especially if you like him. Again, test your emotions. “Feels right” doesn’t necessarily equate to the right thing. “Feels good” doesn’t equate to the good either, let alone the best.

What if a man has been bold enough to tell you that he has been praying for you and he intends to pursue you? If you like him or want to give him a chance because there might be a possibility, say yes. Chances are, you’ve been praying about it (though not necessarily about him), too. As mentioned, courtship may or may not lead to marriage. The goal is to SEEK GOD and HONOR HIM in the process. Don’t be afraid, thinking you’ll be stuck. You are just going to allow the man to get to know you and allow yourself to get to know him.

Sometimes all it takes is one date to discover that it’s not going to work out. As an honorable woman, you can honestly and politely let the man know. No need to let it go on longer than it should. Just be honest AND polite.

If in the very beginning, you already know that it’s a No, maybe because you don’t believe it’s your season yet or you don’t like him period, then say so as well. The man is being honorable in pursuing or in trying to pursue you. The least you can do is face him. RESPOND WITH HONOR as well.

What if you’re in a relationship now? Your honor and character are not for me to judge just because you are in a relationship. You can be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and remain honorable. You can also be in a “friendship” and remain honorable. In the same way, people can hide behind courtship to look honorable even when they are already deep in sin. As long as you know that your HEART IS RIGHT BEFORE THE LORD and this relationship is not derailing you from your destiny and NOT DRAWING YOUR HEART AWAY FROM GOD, (although I honestly would prefer that you are a single professional, at least 21 years old — I would say the same to my daughters since I’ve been there and done that haha), then I cannot say anything against it. It really is BETWEEN YOU AND GOD.

So what on earth am I talking about, you say? As with everything I write, I am talking about my personal convictions, my stand. And I’m sharing it with anyone who wants to learn the easy way, what we have learned the hard way.

Bottom line is HONOR GOD in everything you do. No one is perfect, but your desire to do this especially when it comes to relationships, with the invaluable help of the Holy Spirit, will keep your own motives and actions in check.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Courtship and the Honorable Man

Courtship. It’s the stage in a man and woman’s life where they get to know each other better. The HONORABLE MAN lays down his intentions to the woman whom he has been praying for (take a hint, ladies: he has a relationship with God), and if the woman agrees (take a hint, gentlemen: it has to be mutual, she has to like you too), they go out on dates by themselves. And no, it is not the same as boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, nor “mutual understanding” between two people.

Courtship has a GOAL. The man and the woman SEEK THE LORD and learn more about each other, with MARRIAGE IN MIND. (Take a huge hint here and everywhere, gentlemen!) The honorable man doesn’t court a girl for the heck of it. He does so with much apprehension and fear of possible rejection, and at the same time with much boldness and conviction, sure that he wants to pursue the woman (another hint, ladies: the man pursues you) and possibly marry her.

The honorable man is emotionally ready and is spiritually mature. He does NOT let his emotions rule him. He seeks God first and he guards his heart AND actions. The honorable man has a PLAN! He clearly lays down his intentions to the woman. He does not mislead her by hanging around her often and not saying a word about what he’s doing. He courts her IN THE OPEN, not hiding behind “friendship.” And he lays down his intentions because he is READY TO BACK IT UP with a marriage proposal — ready for a lifetime commitment, ready to provide, ready to lay down his life for his wife just as Christ did for the church. (Take a huge hint here, ladies: If a man is spending way too much time with you, getting to know you without even stating his intentions, HE IS NOT HONORING YOU. Don’t allow any man to dishonor you, no matter how much you actually like him.)

Whether or not the two end up together, courtship will still be a success. It will accomplish its goal. The only time it is not successful is when the man and the woman cross the line, when they stop honoring each other. They cannot go back to friendship or even civility if they do not remain pure and holy before the Lord. They cannot go back to friendship if they do not maintain mutual respect for each other. They will have a difficult time healing from unnecessary heartache caused by broken promises. (Hint, ladies and gentlemen: courtship is not a license for you to let your guard down emotionally, physically and spiritually. Guard your words, guard your actions, guard your heart.)

I am inspired to write this because I am seeing this before my very eyes. Honor and nobility are not dead among our men! 🙂

But the noble make noble plans,

and by noble deeds they stand. Isaiah 32:8

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