Marriage, THE PRODUCTIVE WIFE

Marriage Tip from Designated Survivor

I’ve recently watched the entire first season of Designated Survivor and it’s awesome! I keep hoping for Tom Kirkman to go Jack Bauer mode haha. I monopolized netflix, told Gianna that it’s mommy’s turn to watch. She obliged. She calls it my show and calls it “Mr. President” haha.

Anyway, there is this one episode where Tom Kirkman goes overseas to attend the NATO summit. But because a story comes out in the US regarding the government’s cover up of who really bombed the Capitol, the other world leaders decide to remove his time from the summit agenda. Nearly everybody questions his capability to be the US president, and just when things are looking up for his leadership, the truth that they are still getting to the bottom of, leaks. The pressure and the stress. The not knowing who to trust. His integrity and his love for his country. The politics. The weight on his shoulders as the new president of the United States, after the entire government is erased. Overwhelming.

Tom gets a call from his wife while he is still in Canada. She asks him how he is, and asks how she can help. Tom’s answer:

“Don’t lose faith in me.”

Wow. So simple yet so powerful. When your husband is at his lowest and you have no capacity to help, this is the greatest help you can give. DO NOT LOSE FAITH IN HIM. Believe in him. Believe in his abilities and in his heart. Stand by him through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Win or lose, you are a team. It’s not always going to be bad, and you have to be able to weather the storms together. Remind him that even through failure, you are proud of him for getting up and wanting to be a better man. Commend him for the great things he does and encourage him to keep giving his best.

COMMITMENT. LOYALTY. UNITY. Big words. But we have a bigger God who supplies us the strength, the wisdom, the grace, the joy, the love we need. ❤

 

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. Ephesians 5:22 MSG

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:1-4

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:13-14

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16

 

Marriage, THE PRODUCTIVE WIFE, Uncategorized

Our Words Have Power

Wife, do you tell your husband you are proud of him? When was the last time you did?

Husband, do you tell your wife she is beautiful? When was the last time you did?

The tongue has the power of life and death, the Bible says. Let’s lift each other up with our words.

Wife, your husband will feel secure and significant, knowing that you are proud of him. Let him know that you are proud of him not only during successes, but most especially in failures. Hold the criticism, the “I told you so”s. I know sometimes this is hard, since apparently we wives are always right (hahaha), but this will teach you to trust in the Lord more. To pray. To be silent when your husband needs you to be. Hug him. You standing by him, being his number one fan no matter what, will encourage him to get back on his feet and keep going. Your support means the world. It will encourage him to keep giving his best.

Husband, your wife will feel loved and secure when you tell her she is beautiful. Mean it. Focus on a particular detail about her beauty, whether physical or internal. Change it up. Be creative. Find new beautiful things about her. Discover her. Tell her. This will teach you to step out of your comfort zone, to pause and reflect, and to be grateful for God’s goodness in your life. It doesn’t have to be cheesy. Trust me, I’m not cheesy either, though King often is (hahaha). Just tell her sincerely. Details help. So she doesn’t have to ask you why, and you don’t have to explain further either. Right? She will appreciate your appreciation of her, and you will put a smile in her heart all day.

 

The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21 NLT

Gentle words are a tree of life;
    a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 NLT 

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
    keep watch over the door of my lips. Proverbs 141:3 NIV 

 

 

Marriage, THE PRODUCTIVE WIFE

The Productive Wife 1: Submit? No thanks!

SUBMISSION is a difficult word to swallow for most women. Maybe they think submission means that their freedom to think, speak or make decisions will be taken away when they get married. Maybe they feel that they become less because they have to “obey” their husband. Maybe they’re afraid to relinquish control to the husband. It’s natural for us women, especially strong women, to raise an eyebrow when we are told that we need to “obey” somebody. Like when we need to give our license at the guardhouse of a private village — we get annoyed right? Haha. I know I used to. But I eventually learned that it’s better to just abide by the rules instead of fighting against it. I eventually learned and accepted that that practice is good especially when it is done in my own village. I want my home and community to be protected too.

Anyway, I think part of the struggle is the wrong notion that the husband becomes the wife’s boss. Being married for nearly 12 years, I can say that marriage is about teamwork. Between the two of us, there is no boss, only a leader and teammates. I may not be the leader in our marriage but I am a valuable teammate. I am consulted, I can assert myself, I can share my thoughts and ideas, I am free to be myself, I am respected and well taken care of. King is my leader AND teammate. We work together. We support each other. Even our children are our teammates, and daddy is the leader (though we have told the girls that daddy’s the boss hehehe). I have a strong personality, but honestly, I do not want to be the leader of our family. The responsibility is just too huge and way too heavy. I appreciate that King is ahead of me, the first into every battle. He leads, he serves, he provides, he protects. Whether the battle is heavy or light, short or long, easy or difficult, he goes first, ready to lead and ready to DIE for those who are behind him — ME and the kids. Ready to win and ready to lose. Committed no matter the length of the journey, no matter the outcome of each battle.

One of the reasons I married King is because I trust him. We have the same faith, we have the same values. We may be different in personality and how we accomplish things, but our desires and our goals are similar. It is not always easy, but it is also not hard to let him lead because I know his heart. I trust that he has a strong, personal relationship with God, that he listens to and obeys God. I believe that he makes decisions not to serve only himself, but to serve the whole family. So instead of fighting against his leadership just because “I’m a brat and it’s my way or the highway”(yes many women are like that and are oddly proud of it), I cooperate with him and do my part to support him. Instead of thinking that I’m smarter, I’m wiser, I know better, I can share my insights AND listen to his insights. Instead of insisting on what I think is best (because sometimes, not always haha, we women are right), I can exercise my faith by praying for King and waiting on God.

There have been occasions when I had gone ahead of him, but thankfully they were of no consequence. They were minor. Major decisions are always done together. Just the same, King is not perfect. He makes mistakes as I do. When mistakes are made, we forgive, we learn, we wisen up and do better. Neither of us is the boss, but we both have a boss in the Person of Jesus. As long as He remains the boss, there is peace in our home.

I admit, it is easier to submit to a husband who is godly, to be supportive to a PRODUCTIVE HUSBAND. But how we are as a wife should not be dictated by the kind of husband we have. Just as we hope that our husband’s love and leadership is not dictated by the kind of (imperfect) wife we are. It should be dictated by our faith in a loving, faithful, limitless, miracle-working, good God. It should be dictated by our commitment to God and to our husband. It should be dictated by our desire to obey God. It should be dictated by the hope that we have for a growing, healthy, and godly marriage.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD, we CAN BE godly, PRODUCTIVE WIVES. We can choose to see the best in our husband. Believe in him. Get down on our knees and pray for him. Be faithful to him. Honor him. Be patient with him. He has a lot on his plate too. Love him. Be humble. Submit to his leadership. BE A BLESSING TO HIM.

 

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:22-28

The wise woman builds her house,
    but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1