SUBMISSION is a difficult word to swallow for most women. Maybe they think submission means that their freedom to think, speak or make decisions will be taken away when they get married. Maybe they feel that they become less because they have to “obey” their husband. Maybe they’re afraid to relinquish control to the husband. It’s natural for us women, especially strong women, to raise an eyebrow when we are told that we need to “obey” somebody. Like when we need to give our license at the guardhouse of a private village — we get annoyed right? Haha. I know I used to. But I eventually learned that it’s better to just abide by the rules instead of fighting against it. I eventually learned and accepted that that practice is good especially when it is done in my own village. I want my home and community to be protected too.
Anyway, I think part of the struggle is the wrong notion that the husband becomes the wife’s boss. Being married for nearly 12 years, I can say that marriage is about teamwork. Between the two of us, there is no boss, only a leader and teammates. I may not be the leader in our marriage but I am a valuable teammate. I am consulted, I can assert myself, I can share my thoughts and ideas, I am free to be myself, I am respected and well taken care of. King is my leader AND teammate. We work together. We support each other. Even our children are our teammates, and daddy is the leader (though we have told the girls that daddy’s the boss hehehe). I have a strong personality, but honestly, I do not want to be the leader of our family. The responsibility is just too huge and way too heavy. I appreciate that King is ahead of me, the first into every battle. He leads, he serves, he provides, he protects. Whether the battle is heavy or light, short or long, easy or difficult, he goes first, ready to lead and ready to DIE for those who are behind him — ME and the kids. Ready to win and ready to lose. Committed no matter the length of the journey, no matter the outcome of each battle.
One of the reasons I married King is because I trust him. We have the same faith, we have the same values. We may be different in personality and how we accomplish things, but our desires and our goals are similar. It is not always easy, but it is also not hard to let him lead because I know his heart. I trust that he has a strong, personal relationship with God, that he listens to and obeys God. I believe that he makes decisions not to serve only himself, but to serve the whole family. So instead of fighting against his leadership just because “I’m a brat and it’s my way or the highway”(yes many women are like that and are oddly proud of it), I cooperate with him and do my part to support him. Instead of thinking that I’m smarter, I’m wiser, I know better, I can share my insights AND listen to his insights. Instead of insisting on what I think is best (because sometimes, not always haha, we women are right), I can exercise my faith by praying for King and waiting on God.
There have been occasions when I had gone ahead of him, but thankfully they were of no consequence. They were minor. Major decisions are always done together. Just the same, King is not perfect. He makes mistakes as I do. When mistakes are made, we forgive, we learn, we wisen up and do better. Neither of us is the boss, but we both have a boss in the Person of Jesus. As long as He remains the boss, there is peace in our home.
I admit, it is easier to submit to a husband who is godly, to be supportive to a PRODUCTIVE HUSBAND. But how we are as a wife should not be dictated by the kind of husband we have. Just as we hope that our husband’s love and leadership is not dictated by the kind of (imperfect) wife we are. It should be dictated by our faith in a loving, faithful, limitless, miracle-working, good God. It should be dictated by our commitment to God and to our husband. It should be dictated by our desire to obey God. It should be dictated by the hope that we have for a growing, healthy, and godly marriage.
BY THE GRACE OF GOD, we CAN BE godly, PRODUCTIVE WIVES. We can choose to see the best in our husband. Believe in him. Get down on our knees and pray for him. Be faithful to him. Honor him. Be patient with him. He has a lot on his plate too. Love him. Be humble. Submit to his leadership. BE A BLESSING TO HIM.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:22-28
The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1