So we recently visited Taiwan!!! It was a first for King and I to travel without our kids, or our parents, out of the country. It was a first after 18 years of marriage (we celebrate our 19th anniversary this year)! We met up with some of our closest friends — a couple based in Manila, who went ahead for the Bike Expo, and one who traveled from Japan. It was a wonderful rendezvous!
It was our couple friends who invited us and we completely relied on them for the itinerary haha. King and I have never been to Taiwan before. I, for one, was open for anything. I had no agenda but to enjoy. This mommy needed a break very very badly 😂.
We went to Tamsui Fisherman’s Wharf on day 2. We rode tandem bikes! It was my first time and of course I wanted to be at the back. I did not want the responsibility of leading and pedaling haha. I wanted to sit back and relax. But looking back, there is so much to learn about marriage through tandem biking.
It was right for King to be in front because he steered us in the direction we were supposed to go. In our marriage, he is the head. He leads. He is the one responsible for the two of us.
It was right for me to be at the back because I am not the stronger biker. But as much as I wanted to relax and not do a thing, it was my job to support the two of us by steadying myself and pedaling. Otherwise, King would be the only one carrying the both of us, which is unfair and quite difficult at times, especially in the inclined portions of the road. In our marriage, I help. I support. I do my part.
But you know, there were times King stopped pedaling while I kept pedaling. Times I stopped pedaling, and only he pedaled. There were also times that we were on cruise control — our speed was good enough to just be steady and not pedal. There were times we both pedaled hard to get up the incline and move through rough roads more easily.
In marriage, the husband can relax from his husbandly role, while the wife picks up the slack. But just as I could not sustain being the only one pedaling for long, this scenario is not sustainable. It should only be temporary. The wife is typically not strong enough to carry the marriage alone. But more importantly, she is not supposed to.
The opposite can also happen, but soon frustration and resentment will build up because the husband is not capable of carrying the marriage by himself either. He is also not supposed to.
There will be seasons wherein married life is good and steady. Husband and wife can just cruise along and enjoy the ride. But they must have their feet always on the pedals, ready to do the work necessary to keep the marriage healthy and whole. Being comfortable, but never complacent.
And then there will be seasons of hardship, where both need to put in their best effort to hurdle through. Both must have the desire and willingness to work as a team. Husband and wife are teammates, co-laborers, just as King and I were co-drivers of our tandem bike.
In truth, either of us could’ve messed up our experience at any point. King was in front leading, but there were times that I was unhappy with how he steered us. In his confidence to ride fast, I did not feel safe. I felt like I was going to be the first one to fall and get hurt. I made sure I relayed this to him, and thankfully he stopped being rowdy. On my end, I learned that I could actually make the bike steer the way I wanted it to using my steering bar at the back. At times when King wasn’t paying attention, I tried maneuvering my bar to the left so the whole bike would follow. It worked! If I continued doing that, fighting against the way King was steering, we probably would have lost our balance and hit the railings, or worse, other people.
Important things to remember?
Listen. Even if you don’t agree. King didn’t think he was being unsafe, but enough complaints from me finally made him stop 😂. Listening is loving.
Unite. Work together, not against each other. Even when it seems fun (or satisfying) to annoy your spouse 😂. Unity produces peace and joy.
Lead lovingly. I would be more willing to help pedaling if King asked me nicely, instead of yelling at me (though jokingly) to “padyak!” 😂 A husband’s loving leadership is strong leadership.
Influence wisely. Use your influence as the wife to bring good to the marriage, not harm. Never a selfish agenda, like me just messing around 😂, but always one that helps steer your marriage in the right direction. A wife’s influence is powerful.
I’m no longer the biker I used to be, because it hurts me in places I don’t care to share haha. But because we were with friends, it was really so much fun! Married life is extra fun because of friends too. It’s good to be journeying with a few who love you, who laugh with you, and whom you can learn with and from. It’s even better when you can travel out of your own country with them! ❤️
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:17
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