The Honorable Woman

Since I wrote about the honorable man and the courageous man, I think it is only fair to write about the HONORABLE WOMAN. If I was bold enough to write about “a few good men” and my husband,  I will have to start off with a disclaimer for this one haha.

Disclaimer: I was not always the honorable woman and I do not claim to be everything that is written. I am still learning too. I cite some of my experiences, but I also share what I’ve learned from wise men and women. 🙂

With courtship defined, what does an honorable woman do before that? She prays as she waits. When I was a single woman, at age 24, it was a struggle. As a new Christian, I struggled with my IDENTITY. Having a relationship with a man and even the thought of marriage was what made me happy and whole. I didn’t realize that relationships was my god, until God opened my eyes and I realized that NO ONE CAN COMPLETE ME EXCEPT JESUS. Even though, like King, I liked someone else in the beginning, I prayed. I prayed for GOD’S WILL for my life. I did not want to get into any relationship anymore until it was the one that God planned for me. I decided to WAIT. That was my faith.

What if you already have a hint about someone who likes you? Honestly, with the first Christian guy I liked, I was kept guessing. I was getting mixed signals, but I was never sure if he was sending me signals at all because he never said a word. That was annoying and hard, but it made me pray more. It taught me to NEVER ASSUME.

With King, I already knew he was “crushing” on me because our friends teased us individually, apart. Thankfully there came a point where they decided to stop. (take a hint, friends: stop teasing!) We would go out in groups, but because I learned to WANT WHAT GOD WANTED and I really did not want to make a mistake, I kept my DISTANCE. I would assess myself if I liked him too, and there were times I did and there were times I didn’t. The respect was there, for sure. And in terms of character, I had no issues. But there were just times that I didn’t think it was going to work, IF EVER. I thank God King did not text or call me, or ask me to even eat with him alone, as he was also TESTING HIS EMOTIONS on his end. (take a hint, ladies and men: texting/chatting and spending time with each other can stir your emotions. Test them first and seek counsel before you men initiate or before you ladies respond.)

I never rode his car because I was afraid, not because I didn’t trust him, but because I did not want to PUT MYSELF IN A COMPROMISING POSITION. I chose to use my own car. I have learned, however, that if in situations that a man and a woman have to ride a car alone, the woman sits at the back. I have seen my husband do this when he has to do funeral services and bring a female worship leader or musician with him. (take a hint, ladies and men!)

What if he seems to be really into you, doing things for you that he normally doesn’t do for other girls? I didn’t experience this myself, but I learned that if you are uncomfortable with it, you can actually confront the man. You can QUESTION HIS MOTIVES. His answer or silence will reveal much about him and his intentions. The danger there is if he tells you he does like you. Then what? If he is a man with PURE AND PURPOSEFUL INTENTIONS, he will be honest and he will pursue you. If he is a man who is not, I believe the honorable thing to do is put the distance between the two of you until he figures it out for himself. You ought to pray about your end too, most especially if you like him. Again, test your emotions. “Feels right” doesn’t necessarily equate to the right thing. “Feels good” doesn’t equate to the good either, let alone the best.

What if a man has been bold enough to tell you that he has been praying for you and he intends to pursue you? If you like him or want to give him a chance because there might be a possibility, say yes. Chances are, you’ve been praying about it (though not necessarily about him), too. As mentioned, courtship may or may not lead to marriage. The goal is to SEEK GOD and HONOR HIM in the process. Don’t be afraid, thinking you’ll be stuck. You are just going to allow the man to get to know you and allow yourself to get to know him.

Sometimes all it takes is one date to discover that it’s not going to work out. As an honorable woman, you can honestly and politely let the man know. No need to let it go on longer than it should. Just be honest AND polite.

If in the very beginning, you already know that it’s a No, maybe because you don’t believe it’s your season yet or you don’t like him period, then say so as well. The man is being honorable in pursuing or in trying to pursue you. The least you can do is face him. RESPOND WITH HONOR as well.

What if you’re in a relationship now? Your honor and character are not for me to judge just because you are in a relationship. You can be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and remain honorable. You can also be in a “friendship” and remain honorable. In the same way, people can hide behind courtship to look honorable even when they are already deep in sin. As long as you know that your HEART IS RIGHT BEFORE THE LORD and this relationship is not derailing you from your destiny and NOT DRAWING YOUR HEART AWAY FROM GOD, (although I honestly would prefer that you are a single professional, at least 21 years old — I would say the same to my daughters since I’ve been there and done that haha), then I cannot say anything against it. It really is BETWEEN YOU AND GOD.

So what on earth am I talking about, you say? As with everything I write, I am talking about my personal convictions, my stand. And I’m sharing it with anyone who wants to learn the easy way, what we have learned the hard way.

Bottom line is HONOR GOD in everything you do. No one is perfect, but your desire to do this especially when it comes to relationships, with the invaluable help of the Holy Spirit, will keep your own motives and actions in check.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31