Victory Alabang held a parenting seminar morning of last Saturday, July 14. Tired from our trip, the girls and I came late, arriving in time for the break-out sessions. I left the girls in one of the rooms to watch cartoons with the other kids, so I could attend the 0-9-years-old group with Pastor Ariel and Shirley Marquez, while others attended the 10-12 group with Pastor Sonny and Malou Oaman, and the 13-and-up group with Pastor Chico and Maryanne Peña.
Pastor Ariel focused on teaching us about disciplining our YOUNG CHILDREN, by communicating with them and giving them the rod. He made it clear that giving our children the rod is NOT child abuse. It is not done to punish, but to correct. It is CORRECTIVE, not punitive. One of the verses he shared is one of the most effective verses we shared to our children, to further explain why we discipline them. I will never forget that night months ago, when Danae read it herself. She was genuinely surprised that not giving her the rod actually means we HATE her.
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
Our girls understand that we discipline and teach them because we love them.
Here is the acronym we learned.
CLARITY. Rules must be set. Rules must be clear.
OBEDIENCE. This is our goal: to teach them to OBEY without delay, without challenge, and without question. We need to teach them this based on mutual trust. We love them and have their best interest at heart, and they can trust our decisions for them.
RIGHT ATTITUDE. Do not discipline in anger. Have the right attitude when ministering with the rod. Cool down first, or if your spouse is present, let him or her do it. We aim for the rear end, and no other body part. Beware of hurtful words. The sting of the rod will quickly fade away, but the sting of our words can last a lifetime.
RESTORATION. After establishing guilt (ex: “Did you or did you not hit your sister?” – question answerable by yes or no only; asking them why will teach them to make excuses), tell your child that he or she is forgiven and loved.
EXPLANATION. Explain every single time why you are giving the rod. Bottom line: we love them and want them to grow up to be good people, and we are obeying God’s word to teach and discipline them.
CONSISTENCY. The same rules apply anytime and anywhere, and the same corresponding consequences apply as well.
THOROUGHNESS. Make sure you finish it. Complete the process from beginning to end, from establishing of guilt to restoration and prayer. Prayer teaches them that when they disobey Daddy & Mommy, they are also disobeying God (Deut 5:16), and therefore need to repent before Him.
IMMEDIATELY. Minister immediately. Do not wait till you get angry or till you get home. Do not let your anger build up. Do not let your child suffer in fear of his or her “impending doom” (haha). Go back to the car or go to a bath room if necessary.
OUT OF SIGHT. Keep it private. It should be just him or her and you. Keep your child’s dignity intact by disciplining him or her privately.
NEUTRAL OBJECT. Use a neutral object, such as a plastic ruler, a wooden spatula, or a rubber spatula, as your rod. Do not use your hand because we use our hands to express affection to our children, lest they be confused.
It was a good time to realign our disciplining ways to how God wants us to discipline our children. We realized when we got home that we already have old notes regarding the same topic, and yet we still needed to hear all of it all over again. It just goes to show BASICS are always important, and it never hurts to be reminded of them from time to time. 🙂